Seventh Son Review

Firstly……

I never thought I would find myself sitting in a theater watching this movie. Honestly, the trailers looked horrible and it was the last thing I wanted to spend my Valentine’s Day doing. I got sucked into seeing it though, because I had nothing better to do on Valentine’s Day, so here I am. Trying to write a review for an awful excuse for a movie. Seventh Son is a movie set in a mystical land (that is not once named throughout the full length of the movie) full of two kinds of people. Witches and Spooks (people that kill witches). There is only one spook left in the world and his name is Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges). He is trying to find an apprentice to help him defeat Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore). He can never hold on to an apprentice for longer than ten years because they always get killed by witches (how inconsiderate of them). Finally, though, he seems to find the one. Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) is the man for the job. Together, Tom and Master Gregory face off against the forces of evil…… Sounds exciting? I guess, but then there was the actual movie…….. Let’s get started shall we?

Where Did You Go Back story? 

First off, let me start with the problem that annoyed me the entire 120 minutes. There was almost no back story to be had here. Scratch that, there is no back story to be had here. Half the time, I was wondering why some things were the way they were, and why this was happening, and why this item was significant. These questions distracted me from the rest of the very predictable plotline and the dull cast of characters (not that any of those things were good enough to actually care about either). I have a few examples for what I mean, when I talk about back story:

  • What was so significant about the seventh son of the seventh son?
  • How long was Mother Malkin inside that “eternal” prison?
  • How on earth did Tom Ward’s mom get that amulet from Mother Malkin?
  • Where on Earth are these people? Where is the setting?

These are just a few of the questions I had throughout the movie and as far as I know, they were never answered! I you are an avid fan of back story, then this movie is not for you. It is filled with so many plot holes it really takes away from the movie.

The Characters/Actors/Actresses

The characters in this movie are so dull and boring, played by mediocre actors and actresses (save Julianne Moore and Jeff Bridges (but even their performance wasn’t exactly superb)). I was never interested in the characters, and had a hard time remembering their names, due to the fact that they were just that uninteresting. The main character was a good-looking charming guy who seemed to be able to do things that even his master could not do (in the movie he kills a monster that has never been killed…… like ever…..yea). This formula made for a horribly stereotypical protagonist. The main character’s master, Master Gregory was even more annoying. Not for the reasons you would think though. My main problem with him was the fact that I never understood him! Seriously!! Half the time, I kept asking my friend beside me, “What did he just say?” Jeff Bridges just never knows when to quit it with the voice (seriously dude, it’s ok to speak english). Mother Malkin was an okay villain I guess. I just never felt like she was this huge threat. She never gave off this ominous threatening feeling. I was surprised by the lack of menace because usually, when it comes to villains, Julianne Moore always delivers (Take Carrie for example!). Maybe I was just too distracted by the other problems in the movie, to really notice it. Anyways, there is also a love interest, who is pretty beautiful (of course). The main character and the love interest fall in love within a few days, and then are torn apart by their very different destinies at the end (of course). I’m not even going to name the actress of the love interest’s name because she is not worthy of mentioning, whether it was the actress’s skills or the character herself. Honestly not a single character was interesting, or had any sort of character development. None of the actors or actresses really delivered their role in a superb fashion. The characters will not help you find any solace in a movie like this.

Dialogue and Camera Work

The dialogue is not awful, some might not even consider it to be bad. If you think the dialogue is good though, you are wrong, by far. The dialogue is filled with dry witty jokes, and cheesy (very cheesy) lines. The wise cracks, and dry humour jokes, don’t make you laugh. They will most likely make you roll your eyes, and check your watch, wondering if this nightmare was over yet. Other than the cheesy lines and dry humor, the dialogue is very straightforward, which I can appreciate. Dialogue doesn’t always have to be complex to be considered good.

The camerawork was very good for the most part. We got to see a lot of cool nature shots of the mountains. The cameras really made the scenery pop out at you. For the most part it was in fact a very beautifully shot movie. The problem was that sometimes it was hard to see the beauty because the camera didn’t seem to focus on anything. Throughout the movie I noticed that the picture was fuzzy, causing me to strain my eyes for most of the movie. I’m not sure if that was the camera’s fault or the projector’s fault.  The action scenes weren’t bad though. You could actually tell what was going on, while the fight was going on. When it comes to action, the camera work is solid, so you don’t miss a beat watching the mayhem unfold.  The CGI was absolutely terrible though, even for today’s standards. You could easily tell what images were computer generated, and what images were not (most of it was CGI). My favorite scenery shots were the end credits. The effects were cool there, and it looked really good. I would’ve just thought that though, because I was ready to leave.

The Verdict: 1.5 out of 5. (1 being the worst. 5 being the best)

  • There is a lack of back story
  • The characters are boring and fail to capture your attention
  • The plot of the story is very predictable
  • Very fuzzy picture

Photo courtesy of http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3161441792/tt1121096?ref_=tt_ov_i

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Colby Farr

I just really like writing things and talking about movies music and books, so I thought: Why not put that together?

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